It's strange, 

The things you miss.

A hand of spades,

A lost chance at a kiss.

A rain soaked borrowed jacket,

A walk through the woods in the mist.

A text in the night asking for a smoke,

A sit in long silence

Trying to find the words to evoke

That feeling of warmth 

In the pit of my chest

That left

The day we said

Goodbye.

Self

I spent the last year on the ceiling
Spinning & spilling my feelings
Looking for a critic
But I couldn't find one who lived it
Dropping dreams because the world seemd so cold
I isolated myself
Contemplated myself
& started to hate myself
.....but I'll wait like I always have

Promise

Speaking facetious, as if I was conceited.....
Letters to the next, like promise me (that) you'll just read it....
I promised no keeping secrets...
Now all promises are deleted...
Its like I was with baby...
But you the one ain't keep it...
No, I don't know where your key is...
& honestly you can keep it...
Cause all the locks done changed...
& I promise you'll never need it...
That's the promise I'm keeping....

Kingism by Janishia S.

My king | my kind funny loving me as his queen and his rock his back bone ....my my how the tables were jolted & rocked  my my how the comedy turns tragic how the laughter turns irritation  how Funny how Tragic
Undreamed images are imagined in the image : the image of my king
Tilted & bonded : my king
Finger snaps & blinks of n eyes
Depict time & an imagery
I saw u
fully & openly
I drank you
In a raw state
In a weakened state
In the don't trust me state
With you state
In an I'm for thy self & you will and mean nothing to me moment
This An ego-tripping nightmare
Snap "wake up " still stuck new image new sound same Shit new day , I see you my ostentatious king  through  degraded imagery my king your nothing but a court gesture In a designer clown suit

IWW

Seeking counsel from hoes I pounded

This love shit is astounding 

She's telling me I reached the same errors with her before out relation was grounded

But I just beat around it

Cause in school I was a scholar 

But in the street I slang yay

So I'm still outside the circle 

Yet very well rounded

I say fuck it

We dump that hoe Love in a bucket

& get to trucking

That way when the old heads ask

'We just fucking'

So boot that ass up

I'm on my last cup

Imma take this last puff 

& tear that ass up 

Empty.
A dull, mis-colored penny in the dirt that that no one will pay attention to,
I was a vacuum sucking in everyone elses’ emotions except for my own.
Trapped in a cage alone.
Nothing but my thoughts to keep me company,
And let’s be honest, those were like that annoying uncle that always stayed too long,
Telling boring stories about his youth; nobody cared to hear them.
Though they were poems in themselves that could not fathom themselves into stanzas;
My pen weeps ink for those that go unheard.
I never understood why the caged bird sung songs that fell on deaf ears.
You might as well tear off its wings,
It will struggle to remember what wind feels like,
It will never be free,
But I will still sing!
My flat lullaby’s will tuck me in at night,
And I will dream of a place where everyone is deaf.
Communicating only with emotions and eyes painted with tears,
Our fears will be on our sleeves,
And no one will have to say goodbye when another leaves,
It’ll be understood that they will be missed.
But eventually, I will have to wake up to a world that only notices when people smile.

I'm jealous.
Green in every sense of the word,
And my stomach turns just thinking about how close he is to you...
How he lays against you ever so gingerly,
And I'm afraid he will never know what warmth feels like.
Unless, of course, it's in the form of liquid coursing through his body,
And every bottle is a step closer to you and further from his dream,
If he could only get around his self-esteem to reach it.
But doubt breaches the outtermost layers of the labyrinth
And snakes its way in to penatrate the places only accessable through clad-iron locks,
And now he is stuck in the box that he's trying to think outside of...
And that's where you come in.
I don't know whether to applaud or look at you in disdain,
But either way,
The stain that will soon rest on your chest will be of your hands.
Your tantalizing lies of a better life can only satiate fo so long.
The caged bird can only sing so many songs before its vocal chords rupture,
And this structure that you have built composed of self-loathing and pity will soon fall.
The writing on the wall will still be red,
But only read by him.
Your constraints cannot hold him forever.
Your lies cannot mold him forever.
And when the day comes that he sees past your facade
And he begins to fight like the warriors of the Mossad,
The thought of you will dissapear.
And when the day comes that his breath has fled,
I will write another letter to his death bed

Miss Marley

Normally she rolls blunts
But they take too long
So this time it's papers
Blow from a dealer she don't care to know
But she just need quick fix

She takes her time rolling

She wants to savor this piff
& its the perfect J

She searches bedside for a lighter

With no hope in sight

Trying not to blow the ambiance 

As she turns on the light

Now she's like, 

'Fuck it, I'll just use the burner'

Caressing the knobs on the stove

As if it could give her numbers

& its lit

She runs to the room just take her a hit

& at the first puff her legs shake

Trying not to pufff to hard cause the gas taste

& on the next puff the world quakes

Within the next few she becomes the person that the world hates

But she blowing on this shit just to ease her pain

& if you were as lonely as she is

you would feel the same

She don't even count the joint

She just charge it to the game

By the last puff 

She forget that things are tough

She leaves the room satisfied

She's had enough

But she'll wake the next morning

Feeling the same way

Same drug

Different dealer

Trying to relieve the same pain....

Miss Marley

TV Screens...

It may just be my perception
But what I see is
Me recording one show
& them viewing another
Yet we're watching the same channel
& grasping the same cover
Yo you the cable provider
& your service goes out with the weather
I'm going Dish Network
It's summer time
so their service is getting better
I should switched in February
After that first after due bill
But I wanted to see if it was real
Now switching is as good as that B pill
So I'm sending you your receivers
This is long overdue
You can send em to your other customers
I'm canceling my subscription
There ain't no more me & you...

....ehh

I would tell you that you weren't worth it....

But the alcohol wants me to lye...

So I tell you I aint shit....

& that it's OK for you to cry....

Granted that I'm still a shot under par...

I proceed to tales of how beautiful you are....

I'm setting my thoughts in motion....

As if they would move you to my car....

I gotta a charger with no cell...

My fam out on bail.....

& she missing punctuations...

like we missing court dates....

so I end my sentences with dollar signs to make sure my seed straight...

Dotting these eyes with X's & Oh's....

My mixed shawty take it by the whole...

& she ain't my side chick but she the half of my hole...

cause my other girl got a hold...

summer time heat...

but they love so cold....

So remain torn...

I'm just waiting for this seamstress to mend it all....

Then I'll place a call....

To the woman that always made cents....

.....

I lost my friends with my sanity....

Around the same time I relinquished vanity....

When the relations became more physical....

When writing became only a vehicle....

When these rhymes became forced...

When my voice got hoarse....

I'm losing things because it's hurting them less...

To stay....

So after a while...

I just exile...

Myself....

Not having to cut loses...

Because there will never be anything to be gained....

There was less of something then....

& more of nothing now....

Because....

Now I have nothing too lose....

              

It was the most beautiful labyrinth you’ve ever seen.

With twists and turns and mysteries,

It was an enigma in itself.

Didn’t quite know its own wealth or worth…

But it still seemed to keep its composure.

-

At the entrance were firey gates stolen stole strait from the hinges of hell,

And you could see it in its eyes when his pupils swelled,

He was one of a kind-

That couldn’t fathom his self a full house

Because that would mean that that thick, smut covered chain would have to break,

And that rusted lock would have to find a way to contort itself free.

But worst of all,

It would have to find the Key.

Better yet, someone to wield it

So in the meantime,

All he had was his maze like mind.

-

I found myself stumbling upon the land the led to this grand attraction.

A rock road that was apparently way better without the piece of cake.

Oh, this pain? The cherry on top,

But I remained grounded until my eyes feasted upon, arguably, the most

Aesthetically pleasing,

Soul teasing,

Heart pleading

Sight of life.

This was more than a maze,

This was a game.

The only one where it’s not about reaching the end first,

But it’s all about how you play.

-

…

But for now,

I’ll stay outside and stare at the most beautiful labyrinth you’ve ever seen.

With twists and turns and mysteries,

It was an enigma in itself.

Didn’t quite know its own wealth or worth…

But it still seemed to keep its composure.

And that’s what made him different.

Cuenta Atrás

I'm starting at 11:50 and giving myself five

which is more praise than I've ever had...

& I'm losing more days than I ever have.....

Because these metafours leave me

.....twisted three ways till Wednesday

Two bad I lost count on my 25th hour

now this life gets sour, & those hearts get colder

...yet I still one....

So I'm stuck trying to be a hero....

but now....

I'm left....

with...

Cero....

Heartbreak Diary

Its like crying invisible tears
Like no one can see how much it hurts
To just act like nothing ever happened
Its like I'm lost and can't be found
Because no one is searching
Because they don't know I'm missing
They see me but in the mirror, I see nothing
I feel ashamed and weak
Because I will take all the bad
Just to have one smile

Letter to a Childhood Soldier

Dear Soldier,

Your clay has been molding

from foreboding memories, 

your path is unfolding 

before the eyes of your enemies, 

beware the façade. 

Wear what you've taught.

Take all the shots.

Put on your Brave 

and don't be afraid 

to share what you've thought-

How's that gun fit?

Should be just right

because ever since it took the place 

of that gray teddy bear with the missing eye,

you've been holding it tight

and you can't deny that look on your face,

I know you're tired.

I know your feet hurt from marching

I know your heart hurts regarding love from the past,

but I implore you, 

love past that.

Take that mask that you found with your shield

and wield it with caution.
So strap on your boots and shoot until the war is over.

Remember that gray teddy bear with the missing eye

and value your life.

Childhood Soldier.

Mona Lisa

Mystery
Could it be that no one knows who you are
Including yourself
Self
Thats a hard word for you to spell
Because you cant tell me, you for that matter
What it means
Self is the reason that you write that spoken word
To a rhythm no one else heard
Pain is the reason why you want to save the world
You want to live vicariously through their happiness
Cause you gave up on finding your own
The Mona Lisa with no smile
Cause in the picture she was with child

Lost...

Having a gander at these lost moments I've found
Searching for the moment that I lost myself
The ever so clear got me down and out on the Everclear
But a change came
A light came on
The sun rose rather
& I arose in a forest
Stumbling over pebbles in the distance
Running this race......
&.........
My next life precedes me
So either way I'm losing
Lost with my hope
Memories so grand I went broke
But I cant say I didn't have it all
Taking vain of these worldly things
Knowing they'd be charged to the game
Ice Cold Knock to the head for this constant change
Which brings constant pain
Wanting constant gain
Losing my ill gained famed
Having thoughts so strange
I'm just lost in my brain.....

Save Me

I lost myself when I found you
So now what am I supposed to do,
With this heart?
It no longer beats
Cause my mistakes repeat
And " I always fall for your type"
That's why I'm typing this love letter
And trying to make you believe that it will get better
While my eyes get wetter
And your friends saying "forget her"
Just get that cheddar
And my girls saying you like rest
But I always protest
Because your not like them
Your worse

Unfree

I loved it
I would say you
But that wouldn't be true
I loved the thought of you
And when you were actually a reality you lost your flare
You were no longer a trend
Somethings look better inside of the store or street corner where I found
Love
Or that's what I thought
But I think too much
Say to little
Now I can't stand to look at you cause it reminds me
It reminds that I love the thought of you and I think too much.

Life Ways...

Living the life of an X

Wishing that I could be free

But I'm stuck in this labyrinth 

Over which these walls I can't see

So I place my plea 

Neither guilty nor sweet

But confined by these lines

Only trying to be

A Free Radical at heart

A poet by will

Bars to hit & kill 

But they proven that hope can fill 

So feel these words

Get moved by these verbs

I'm only yearning to be heard....